There was a point in my life where everything felt too much. My head was full of so many emotions all at once, that I felt I had nowhere to go. Everything about the city I was in, the people in it, triggered me. So after a lot of thought I decided to leave the city and the people behind. I thought moving away, disengaging myself, and re-inventing my life would solve all my problems.
For a few months now, I have been facing something similar. My first thought, once again, was to leave everything behind and escape to another city. With a little more courage, I decided to do the next best thing - distract myself with more work, more hobbies, ideas and outings.
Perhaps, you relate to this:
The fear of dealing with too much makes you want to deal with nothing at all. So we brush everything under the carpet and make a run for it. Honestly, it’s a butthead move. |
Why this doesn’t work
Our minds are more complicated than any of us are aware of. What we do not process consciously, creeps into our lives in unexpected ways. It is not unknown that unprocessed emotions have led to nightmares, diseases, higher-order mental health illnesses (read this real account to understand this better) and of course, a panic-stricken state of being.
The truth is, all the emotions, traumas, and experiences we run away from, catch up to us eventually. At one point in our lives, we hit the dead end - the long, narrow path of the unconscious, repressed emotions, finds its thronged storage. And when that happens, it feels something close to throwing water out of a sinking boat, only to realize that in all certainty, you will drown.
Remember, - life will repeat all the lessons you chose to not learn. Everything you escape will come back to you.
So, how do we process our emotions?
Step 1: Name the emotion.
Shakespeare was wrong - there is A LOT in the name. If you don’t define it, you will never know what it is. Try using the emotion wheel to recognize your feelings.
Step 2: Sit with it.
By far the most difficult thing to do. I cannot tell you the number of times I have thrown up, simply by thinking about some painful experience, or about the person who broke my heart. But nobody promised it would be easy. I can, however, promise that it will be worth it.
There are multiple ways to do this:
Writing.
Listening to music.
Going for walks.
Going for solo dates.
Anything that makes you think - about yourself.
Step 3: See what works, and solidify your coping mechanism.
Once you’ve recognized what worked in the past, you can easily use the method again to deal with any future, similar problems.
Life can be as barren, but also as full as you want it to be.
If you know of the butterfly effect, you probably know of how small changes in life can catalyze bigger ones. When we decide to unburden ourselves of painful experiences, we become more open, welcoming people - a clear mind is the way to a clear heart.
Dealing with ourselves is not easy - but that is what makes it worthwhile. We fight for things that matter, even if that means having to do the same things over and over again. Repetition is not always monotony. Sometimes it means choosing ourselves, in different ways, and at different points in life - and of course, eventually learning that lesson that life has been trying to teach us all along :).
Author's note:
At the risk of taking another minute of your readership, I'd like to thank each one of for reading my blogs! I've received some of the kindest messages since I started this, and I could not be more humbled. On a side note, if you still haven't subscribed, please do! I send out an email each time I publish a new blog. You can find the form below.
Comments