I majored in Psychology (the infamous “science” of mind and behavior), back in college. Here are some critical lessons that I have carried with me, all these years since.
Grief is not a competition
I have heard a lot of people tell me (on some very hard days) that someone out there “has it worse,” so it’s best to be grateful for what we have. I find that to be extremely insensitive.
While I recognise that the world is replete with suffering and pain, we need to collectively understand this - the same problem, under the same circumstances, can be felt and dealt with, in completely different ways by two different people. We must be allowed to feel our grief, no matter how big or small, without it being disenfranchised. The best thing we can do to help someone grieving is to be there for them without judgment, and if that’s not possible, not say anything at all.
Here, learn it from a kid's movie -
The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.
We are full of biases (if you want to be surprised, read this list here). From the moment we begin living life as a full-grown adult, making our own decisions, we are clouded by our prejudices and downed by our past experiences. To be able to recognise that - to understand why certain things or people trigger us the way they do, what our relationship patterns are, what defines us, is truly a challenge. I have struggled, all these years, to understand why certain failures affect me more than others, or why I cannot escape the feeling of abandonment which comes to me, a little too often. Knowing myself, and battling my mind, has been the hardest thing I have had to do.
We are similar to all the mysteries we are trying to solve in this universe. It is for this reason that I am convinced that finding ourselves is the closest we can come to finding God.
You cannot figure people out.
Do I know how to read minds?
No.
Does any part of human behavior make sense to me now?
No.
Do I slip in a Freudian joke every now and then?
Maybe (:P)
The adversities we encounter build us as people, and no science can ever truly standardize what that looks like. Psychology taught me how complex things can be organized, but it also humbled me into believing that some things are better left as is.
When it comes to people, there are no right answers.
We are not alone.
During my last year studying this discipline, I remember a lot of people coming to me (and to most of my classmates), expressing the grief and anguish that life put them through. Honestly, the stories have humbled me into becoming the person that I am.
I remember one friend of mine sharing his story of being diagnosed with a disorder. This is what he told me, “Aashna, I have never felt better in life - not because I am under medication or therapy, but because what was happening to me all my life now makes sense. I feel less lonely in my illness, because defining it meant I am not the only one going through it.”
Maybe this discipline doesn't come up with solutions, but as long as know the problem, I'm certain we'll figure it out. :)
Lastly, perhaps the most important thing I have learnt from Psychology is to realize just how hard life is for everyone. There exist, already, various social, political, emotional, psychological, physical sufferings in the world - and we as friends and family, must try our best to not add to it. Being a good person, perhaps, is all about acknowledging the fact that each of us have gone through something, and that, as third party to someone else, would not completely understand. Acceptance is more important than trying to understand everything, or fighting every battle. We do not have to go out of our way to do something good, but we must try, each day, to do nothing bad.
Concluding thoughts:
A lot of people have asked me if Psychology is really a degree, or if I saw any point in majoring in it. At one point it hurt, because I have put all my hard-work, faith and love into learning this discipline. Eventually, though, I came to realize that passion needs no explanation.
If there’s anything in life that I have loved with all my heart - and will continue to, with certainty, for the rest of my life, it is Psychology. It has made me what I am today. And while I still have a long way to go, I certainly understand myself, and those around me, a little better. That’s Father Jung being proud of me ;)
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